Arizona Stars and Sun

As Justin and I wrap up our summer stay in Arizona, I can't help but be just a tiny bit sad. Our stay in Casa Grande kind of turned into a little extended honeymoon ....+ online classes and - the excuse to spend money. Last week was like heaven despite the high temperature. We took a week break from our running agenda in favor of some cycling. We rode his grandma's old-people trikes which we came to find out were better for our training than regular bikes, we rode this loop around the neighborhood late each night and took in the stars which were brighter than I have ever seen them, perhaps because the neighborhood is on the edge of town and there are less lights. In any case those evening rides are taking up a surprising amount of space in my heart and memory right now. It's like they meant a lot more to me than just beng out riding with my husband. I think it's because they involved so much more than riding. I was thinking really hard about a lot of different things on those rides. For one thing I thought about death. I thought about how my own fear of it has such a constricting grip on my life. Because I am afraid of death my LIFE is limited. Then I looked up in the night sky and that fear semed so far away. It's easy to see forever in that vastness of space and the all knowing presence of those little pinpricks of light. I keep thinking... I think about  super-powers and how caged in we are by the limitations of our bodies...and then a flash of the video we watched earlier passes before my eyes; the one of girls who look like me running faster than people used to think men could run. I think about nike and those shirts that say impossible is nothing. I think about my marriage and the things I want or our family. I think about babies and how long I think I can wait before I start begging for one...(right now I've settled for the promise of a puppy in the near future.) I think about the fights Justin and I have had in the past and then I look at him peddling smilingly around that lake , his sweet brown eyes focused so intently on the path ahead. I think that I want a little boy with those eyes, that 5 years from now I could be watching our son in a similar setting. I am thinking that forever must be real. Because these thoughts simply can't lead me to any other conclusion. And I think that I will miss this place, and I tell myself there will be similar attachments to every place we go no matter what. I know it's true becaue no matter what there will always be the stars, I will always be thinking way too hard, and there will always be Justin. And it's scares me how easy it is to believe that nothing else matters.

P.S. After reading my blog Justin quoted Harry Potter 7 " The last enemy to be conquered is death" ...yeah we are that into it.