Arizona Stars and Sun

As Justin and I wrap up our summer stay in Arizona, I can't help but be just a tiny bit sad. Our stay in Casa Grande kind of turned into a little extended honeymoon ....+ online classes and - the excuse to spend money. Last week was like heaven despite the high temperature. We took a week break from our running agenda in favor of some cycling. We rode his grandma's old-people trikes which we came to find out were better for our training than regular bikes, we rode this loop around the neighborhood late each night and took in the stars which were brighter than I have ever seen them, perhaps because the neighborhood is on the edge of town and there are less lights. In any case those evening rides are taking up a surprising amount of space in my heart and memory right now. It's like they meant a lot more to me than just beng out riding with my husband. I think it's because they involved so much more than riding. I was thinking really hard about a lot of different things on those rides. For one thing I thought about death. I thought about how my own fear of it has such a constricting grip on my life. Because I am afraid of death my LIFE is limited. Then I looked up in the night sky and that fear semed so far away. It's easy to see forever in that vastness of space and the all knowing presence of those little pinpricks of light. I keep thinking... I think about  super-powers and how caged in we are by the limitations of our bodies...and then a flash of the video we watched earlier passes before my eyes; the one of girls who look like me running faster than people used to think men could run. I think about nike and those shirts that say impossible is nothing. I think about my marriage and the things I want or our family. I think about babies and how long I think I can wait before I start begging for one...(right now I've settled for the promise of a puppy in the near future.) I think about the fights Justin and I have had in the past and then I look at him peddling smilingly around that lake , his sweet brown eyes focused so intently on the path ahead. I think that I want a little boy with those eyes, that 5 years from now I could be watching our son in a similar setting. I am thinking that forever must be real. Because these thoughts simply can't lead me to any other conclusion. And I think that I will miss this place, and I tell myself there will be similar attachments to every place we go no matter what. I know it's true becaue no matter what there will always be the stars, I will always be thinking way too hard, and there will always be Justin. And it's scares me how easy it is to believe that nothing else matters.

P.S. After reading my blog Justin quoted Harry Potter 7 " The last enemy to be conquered is death" ...yeah we are that into it.

At all times, and in all things, and in all places: A tribute to the most defining factor in my life.

In the last couple days I have seen a lot of skepticism about Mormons in various places. With that "Book of Mormon" play coming out and two potential LDS candidates in the next election, I think people are hearing a lot about us and forming their own opinions based on a vague idea of who we are and what we believe.

There are times in my life where I stop and ask myself what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. Times where someone or something reminds me that I have chosen a life that does not necessarily resonate with most of the world's views and beliefs. Sometimes I feel like what I feel and know in my heart and soul couldn't possibly be a reality, simply because so many people say that it's not. There are times where I am scared, where I lose hope, times when I feel like a light somewhere has gone out. What I have found, however, is that that light will always come back; that if I take my doubts with me to my knees , and profess them openly though prayer to my Heavenly Father, that he will respond in a simple and yet glorious way. Even my weakest and most pitiful prayers have been answered with a flood of comfort and peace. Through that comfort and reassurance, I know that I can stand up to any criticisms from my peers or even the world at large.I have nothing to hide and nothing to fear. I know that I can depend on support from the Lord.

I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe He is the Son of the Living God who, in turn, is the literal Father of our spirits. I believe that our Savior was ressurected and that He will come again. I believe that His prophets, both ancient and modern, were and are his mouthpieces on the Earth. I believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ as it is taught in the Book of Mormon and the Bible. I believe in the standards and principles of my Church and I try -- will always try-- my best to follow them. I don't think anyone should be theatened by this. I would not force anyone to conform to my lifestyle, though I will willingly share my opinions and beliefs with those around me, as I think most people do.

So if you were wondering, I'm not brainwashed , I'm not naive. I have made a choice based on what I know in my heart because of personal experiences and investigation. And I will stand by that choice at all times, and in all things and in all places.

The Daily Grind

One thing that's different about being married s being with eachother all the time. When we were dating, all I could think about was Justin where was our relationship going what would I learn about him next, how could I see him more. Then we got engaged and it was all about planning the wedding. Add in school and work and sports and we were lucky to get more than an hour together. Now we are here at home just the two of us for summer break and we are together all the time...I love it! It's so awesome trying to figure out how to work around and with each other, especially when we get it right. And it's so nice to be able to focus on the little things and not stress about class and everything else. Still sometimes start to get summer blues and I think it has to do with how ordinary and slow each day is. Of course this is not helped by the fact that I am far away from my family and friends. I know we can't go on dates everyday but from now on I am going to try to add some spunk to this summer. Each day I will have to think of something new and different to keep things lively. Tomorrow's adventure=making bread together OR making a fort in the living room ...I am leaving myself two options to allow for maximum spotaneity.

For Richer and for Royer

In the months leading up to my recent ( as in six weeks ago) wedding, I met with a lot of different reactions. My closest friends were really happy for me, while others criticized my decision to get married young. Many of the latter seemed to be under the impression that I was making an uninformed decision, and one person even told me that my marriage wouldn't last. I want those people to know that I plan to put my heart and soul into this marriage. FOR RICHER OR FOR ROYER! In other words, I didn't step into this thnking it was my own tailor-made fairytale, and though I'm sure there will be some curveballs, this is a choice that I will stick with far beyond my lifeon Earth. I intend to use this blog to write about the ups and the downs of marriage and family...from the very beginning.

So here I am , 20 years old and six weeks into my marriage. So far marriage is an adjustment, but nothing I hadn't expected...the biggest lesson so far has been compromise; both when you disagree with each other, and with yourself in the midst of choosing your battles .Like when we are both brushing our teeth and Justin cringes at how big of a blob I use...Just imagine : he slowly puts down his toothbrush and backs out of the bathroom, hands in the air and I can see the thoughts forming in his mind."Ok  Justin," he tells himself  "if you let this one slide then you can probably come off with a victory the next time she tries to buy smooth peanut butter..." FLASH TO THE GROCERY STORE , I win my own internal battle by telling myself I can survive such a dishonor to my Mom's jam , in favor of winning the epic skirmish with a triumphant  "YOU WILL NEVER WASH THE WHITES WITH THE COLORS AGAIN REGARDLESS OF THE 16 CENTS IT SAVES!" See, compromise...I'm checking it off in my notebook of lessons to keep learning for the rest of your life. Compromise...a lesson I have just recently started to learn ;)