Justin and I saw The Vow last night for Valentine's. As we were watching , and probably because I happen to be overly sentimental about holidays, I was thinking a lot about love and what Justin and I have. It struck me that there is something people try to capture in the movies, something rare and desirable, that they seem to just miss. In trying to convey the love Leo had for Paige, it seemed to me that the writer paints the couple as "deeper" than most people. At one point Leo tells Paige's ex-fiance that "she outgrew you". He talks about Paige wondering (when she was with the ex) if this was "all there is". I think that a lot of people feel that way at times. What I was thinking , though, was that the movies seem to paint this picture of love being deep all the time , of it staying forever constant, static. The way I've come to know love, it seems much more complicated than all that. Life today is routine and mundane and love has to be able to weather those weeks on end where you sort of go numb from the robotics of it all. You've gotta take those little things -- like when your husband races to wash dishes before you night after night because he knows you hate washing them-- for what they really are, an expression of love and commitment. I think love is dynamic; there are times, late at night when the day is through --you know that time when you are just lying there, thinking about things far beyond--that a tear will slide down my cheek when I think about how much I love my husband. It's different than the tears that sometimes come, out of an anxiety that somehow I'll lose him, these are happy tears, tears that I welcome in the watches of the night when the world is drifting off to sleep, and reality seems a little nobler than the debased-ness of the everyday. Tears of sheer gratefulness for this sweet sweet man I am blessed to call mine. --Now love would be quite ridiculous if I cried those tears every night, but that's not really the point is it? The point is that love ranges from encouraging your dear one to go ahead and buy that popcorn at the theatre ( even though you cringe at the thought of the amount of work it's monetary value represents) because you know how much they like it, to bawling as you gasp to your friends that you know forever must be real because this feeling couldn't possibly be meant to last for just one lifetime.
I remember when Justin and I first started talking about marriage. He said something that threw me off for a while; he said he couldn't wait to watch me grow and to see who I would become. At the time I was like " What I'm not good enough right now but you figure you'll take your chances?" Now I can see that what he said was really wise. The truth is that people change. I feel like the past year has brought a lot of growth for me and I am so happy I am with someone who embraces it. It's so hard to understand and to explain, but I can totally feel the meaning behind what my sweetheart is saying when he tells me that he loves me no matter what.I'm always trying to test him on it. Yesterday I put him through a series of questions -- " Will you still love me even if I turned into a democrat?" " What if I want to raise goats in our backyard and make cheese from their milk?" ( actually a possibility ---one day I will explain that logic) " What if I tell you I hate running and I am never going to run again?" and to each he answered " I will always love you Kels, no matter what." " But WHY?" I kept asking " If its not because I'm a runner or a writer or a suburbanite then why do you love me?" " I just love you honey and that's not going to change." he answers time and time again. Its so hard to wrap my head around, but his quiet non-answer makes more sense to me than any of the more "romantic" lines I tried to make him say ( "Justin just say ' Because we were made for each other' or 'Because it's meant to be') . Somehow I can feel that what he is saying is true ( not just that he means it but that it is , in itself, true.) And somehow I know that that is what true love is supposed to be like.
P.S. I wrote a cutsie editorial for the Kealakai's valentine issue... check it out :) http://issuu.com/kealakai/docs/kealakai_feb_9_onlinepdf2