Today I was reading an old blog post by NAT THE FAT RAT http://www.natthefatrat.com/2010/10/two-drifters-off-to-see-world.html, called "two drifters off to the see the world." It was a sweet and personal post, one of the gems among her silly stuff, and it really got to me.
Here at BYU-Hawaii I am an ICS major- Communication emphasis, which means I have been studying culture and anthropology. Often, my studies leave me feeling discouraged because I am learning this new objective and scientific perspective that makes the familiar seem strange. Today for example, we discussed Mormonism's representation in the Anthropological world. We talked about our "rituals", about "emotionalization as a conversion catalyst", about the "heirarchal political structure" within the Church. I enjoy studying these things and I think that looking at Mormonism helped put my studies into a new light. At the same time, however, I feel like this scientific objectivity tends to dehumanize. Talking about the adaptive value of religious rituals or defining spirituality as emotionalism discredits, and detracts from the spirit that I feel as a partcipant. I look back at those truly pivotal moments in my life and imagine them being explained through this kind of perspective. It simply can't be done.
The truth is that the most real moments in our lives are not the ones that can be explained by academia. They are those personal , exsquisite moments in which we leave our thoughts and our theories behind. When we just lie there and let warmth and depth soak into our very souls.
I remember my mom rocking me , all wrapped up in a blanket and whispering " Mama loves you." My Dad tearing up as I crossed the finish line in first place , on his birthday. I remember looking into the eyes of my one and only and thinking " I could be with him forever." I remember standing at the top of a mountain overlooking the ocean and feeling an overwhelming peace and happiness, and knowing that there was Someone who created all this, knowing I belonged to Him in a most personal and Spiritual way. These moments took place without an outside catalyst. They weren't the result of some biological need or societal pressure. They were personal, private, real , both indescribable and undeniable.
I can hear the echos of my mother's simple phrase, I can feel within me an urgent desire and need to utter it for myself. To me it is so much more than a biological impulse to procreate. I feel it so much more deeply than I would an instinct. Yes, it's deeper than all that.