Feelin' 22

   On my birthday this year, Justin changed his alarm ringtone to "22" by Taylor Swift. It totally thrilled me when I woke up that morning, and we sang it over and over throughout our day at the zoo.
   I felt so happy and young and even unstoppable that day. I felt 22!
   Justin never did change his ringtone and now, 6 months later we still wake up to it. Only lately I haven't been feeling 22. I feel old!
    The weeks are flying by with my workload and I haven't had time to revel in this pregnancy the way I
always imagined. Plus I am pregnant and married, finished with my degree and far from hitting the clubs looking for "bad news". My 22 just isn't quite the same as the Taylor Swift version--nor is it comparable to the majority of my peers'. Sometimes I wake up to that song and think that I must be doing things wrong...
     But when I really think about it, there's nowhere I would rather be at this age. I am in love and happy. I feel free knowing that I am well educated. I am carrying my child easily (due at least in-part to being young and healthy). I am mature enough to deal with what's thrown at me, but I don't have a problem being silly or having fun. After thinking it through, I have decided that this is 22 for me, and I am feeling it.
   

Confession

On those odd days when I don't have a sub job, I usually have a lot of housework to catch up on. The problem is that I am usually only motivated to do one thing on those days...sleep. I improvise by telling myself that for each chore I cross off my list I can watch one t.v. episode on netflix ( o.k. sometimes 2). It's not good because I feel guilty not doing things that make me a better person-- reading classic literature, crafting, writing--but when I am tired and given this precious breather all those things just feel like chores. T.V. is easy and mind numbing and I don't feel guilty for falling asleep while doing it. So here I am , hastily writing this post, so I can get back to that third season of Everybody Loves Raymond. Maybe someday I will reach my sleep quota, maybe I should just enjoy the chance I have to sleep now before my baby comes to hold me responsible each and every choice.

Ain't Nothin' but a Hound Dog

I have decided that having the day of while pregnant is pretty much the same thing as being part-basset hound for a day. On days when I am not subbing, both Beta and I wake up at 6 a.m. crying and whining with hunger until Justin pours food into our bowls ( mine's cereal and I mostly always use a spoon--be proud of me). Then we both act all hyper and follow Justin around, extremely interested in his morning preparations for school. Once Justin leaves, we sit resolutely at the window as his car pulls out, then we go lay on my bed and take a nap 'til 9 or 10 or 11. Basically until we have to go to the bathroom so bad that laying there is no longer an option. Then we waddle ourselves outdoors so Beta can go potty. This is our big outing for the day as it is blistering hot and neither of our bodies is really meant to handle this temperature. We go back inside and stare at our respective screens for a while ( me the computer , Beta the window). Once that's done we'll play tug of war for about 1 1/2 minutes because that's really all we have energy for. If we are feeling really sparky we do laundry, I rifle through the clothes , separate them , and throw them in the washer according to color; Beta rifles through the clothes, separates one, and gnaws it to pieces according to color. (She really likes white guys, she always does her whites first.) Then we take another nap, do some more waddling, some more staring at screens, and some sniffing around the house. When Justin gets home we are both at that window, waiting for him to pull up on his bike and we are both going crazy with excitement when he opens the door. We demand he plays with us for 15 minutes before laying down on the floor and letting our eyes close gently, as though today were the most physically demanding day of our life.

Goodbye Summer...

         Summer has come and gone and in the last few weeks Justin and I have been adjusting to the new drag. Some summer highlights (watch my bump grow as summer passes ;) ) :

The bump in may...haha I thought there was a bump!

We left Casa Grande in late May and made it to Cali in time for Aimee's graduation and my cousins' bridal shower. I was so happy to get to spend summer with my family but it was really sad leaving this garden behind!

June bump pics

We went camping in June with some family friends.

 The whole crew (sans Justin who didn't go out with us cuz he was sick)

 July bump

In case you are not my fb friend, you should know that Justin made A LOT of furniture this summer. I really proud and will probably dedicate a future post to it.

July 16th ULTRASOUND!

Justin got rejection letters from several PT schools and when June rolled around we kind gave up on the others which hadn't contacted him. So we splurged and bought tickets to Hawaii, figuring we'd both be working this year. No sooner had we bought the tickets then he got the blessed email---He was in!! We've had to do some maneuvering to get everything paid for now, but I am secretly kinda glad his letter came late--because Hawaii was the best baby moon ever!

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Justin got in to PT school!!!!!!! I am so happy for him. It's been two weeks and he has been a little overwhelmed by how demanding the program is, but a little moment the other day reassured me that we are in the right place. Justin was bent over one of his books, head phones securely over his ears when he looked up at me and said, smiling, "Everything I am learning is the stuff I've been wanting to research all these years. I LOVE this!" I am so happy that he likes it, also it's really adorable.

We've moved into our very own apartment ( imagine high pitched squeals of excitement). Justin picked it out while I was coaching, I signed the papers trusting him and I was shocked when we walked in the door--crown molding, a bay dining room...he did good.We love our place and where its located. One drawback is my commute--Justin didn't find out about school until mid-summer, and I didn't feel right about leaving my team with so little notice, so I am braving the 45 miles to Chandler most days. 45 miles isn't that bad, the hour and 20+ minutes it takes in traffic is. But's that's more for another post. I propose a toast to the fun we had this summer, to forgetting the negatives, and to FALL. Only 3 months left of pregnancy!And you know, all that other fall stuff that's fun.

Maturing Time

            There is nothing better than anticipation to put you in your place about time. Insist as you might, every minute is not equal to the next. For me the moments are moving fast and slow at the same time as that fateful day approaches, the day of our Ultrasound.

            I’ve had pretty ambivalent feelings about this whole pregnancy. Am I a bad person if I say that I have yet to feel an overwhelming surge of perfect love towards my unborn child? Before I got pregnant I wanted to hold every baby , press them to me and kiss their foreheads. I was rather emotional about the whole thing. Now that we are having one of our own I am sort of up in the air about babies in general. That powerful urge, that “Baby!Must-hold!” shout that used to run through my brain is absent. At first I was surprised by it, but now I have come to think that maybe this is maturity pushing its way in. I love that I am pregnant, I am happy about it, but the girly squeals of excitement have been replaced with a peaceful smile; a more constant kind of love is being allowed to grow.

            I am not giddy with excitement for our Ultrasound, I am simply anticipating it with this new kind of joy; and time is behaving differently in reaction to this previously unmet emotion. Time is freaking out. Like, yesterday would NOT end, but when it did I looked back at it sadly and thought, “Yet another day has slipped past me, without my full awareness, because I am waiting for something different.” I want the days to pass by so I can get to the one that I am anticipating, but I have grown enough to know that this kind of attitude comes with a cost. I am also learning that time is a tricky little devil, who likes to pretend you’ve got the hang of her, just so she can throw you for a loop. This maturing thing is stupid.

P.S. Having to wear a bra all the time is also stupid.

Announcement

I am really really bad at keeping secrets. Well, I guess that's not strictly true. I guess I am average at keeping other people's secrets...but I am terrible at keeping my own. When I was in high school and something would happen with regard to a crush I'd decide each and every time that this time was different, that this time I would keep this story to my self for a while, you know be a lady about things , be discreet. Then I'd see a mild acquaintance and blather on and on about how he may or may not have winked at me, how I think that this guy is Prince Charming ,how it wasn't like a full on wink but he definitely had to put conscious effort into it...ah the good old days. I look back and get embarrassed at my big mouth...but what's a girl to do, I've always been a bit of a story teller. Well, now that I am married and settled and whatnot, EPIC stories that just have to be told are getting harder to come by. I've come to find that there are things that are made sweeter when they are shared with your sweetheart and him alone, so I've been learning to bite my ever wagging tongue.

12 Weeks ago though, Justin and I began a particularly adventurous chapter in our lives and that is the explanation behind my blogging silence. This adventure was one of those things that prudence requires a curbed tongue for , and after blurting the news out to one or two-- ok maybe a dozen or so people--I knew that I had to keep my fingers away from this keyboard! It was all so exciting and when I tried to think of something interesting to post about I could only think of my big news. It wasn't time to tell the world yet so I hid my laptop away until the glorious day when the most dangerous part of the adventure had passed.

We've heard that at 12 weeks your chances of miscarriage significantly decrease. So I guess it's ok to let the world know. We are 3 months pregnant! So far everything's been good, the only real day-to-day evidence of it all is my growing belly...speaking of which I have a feeling I am not going to be a magical pregnancy unicorn... but I will be posting photos anyway. I do plan on writing about other stuff though, so if you aren't into mommy blogs keep coming back!

Little Victory

Little Victory

Yesterday marked an insignificant and yet monumental victory for myself. But first some back story.

This weekend my mom came up and she smiled with nostalgia as she talked about me when I was a little girl.  She said that I didn’t really ever play with dolls or even toys. “You played outside” she said, her voice rising as though she thought we didn’t believe her. “You played with rocks and sticks—you didn’t need toys because you had such a wild imagination.”

I have always been a dreamer. I started reading before most kids and my dreams reflected the books I read. I was a hopeless romantic. I wanted to grow up and fall in love. Wear beautiful dresses. Live in a castle somewhere.  I wanted to be an elf ( learned elvish). I wanted to live in the woods and go on important quests, maybe marry the King of Men. Always, I wanted to live in a little house on the prairie with a quiet but knowing husband who would conquer the plains with me. Our world would be small but it would be ours.

Throughout Jr. High and high school I fell in love with dark haired boys. I was enchanted by brown eyes looking up through thick lashes. But my princes never looked back. I was young, too young to be worried about it but being the worrier that I am I became convinced that I would never get married, never find love. I did find love. Sweet, innocent high school love. I knew it wasn’t going to be forever though, and I still fretted about finding my prince/Ranger/farmer.

I found him. Now I have bound myself to him in every way. He is mine. We are one. Except that now I tend to cling onto him tightly. Sometimes I even forget to keep dreaming.

Yesterday I won a small battle though. See yesterday, Justin and I both had the day off. Usually when these days come along we spend every minute together. Justin comes up with a plan for an adventure and I follow him—lovingly, happily, yeah it can get pretty sappy. In any case , yesterday was different because yesterday Justin had to fix a pipe in the side yard. This was an adventure I just couldn’t follow him on. I tried. I went with him to Lowe’s and tried to help find the part, tried to listen to what the guy said as he explained how to fix what was broken, but my dreams were calling me and I decided to listen.

So I spent the day in the dirt. I hefted a bag of soil on my shoulder and hoed and raked away at the raised bed Justin made for me. I added potting soil and did it again. I even went out to the desert and dug up some clay-like stuff and added that. It was hard work and time flew. Soon I had a bed that was ready for planting. So I asked Alonzo…hemhem Justin to help me place the seeds in the ground. It was really special. Sure it was just one teeny tiny garden and sure I am totally over exaggerating the epic-ness. But the point is that I got out there and did something I wanted to do. Learned something and applied it and I am proud. I have the sweetest husband in all the world but I don’t need him to plant a garden for me. That I did for myself. And he loves me all the more for it.

 P.S. Justin has the most beautiful brown eyes and the thickest lashes in all the land.