Friday, December 14, 2012


I'm sick. Do I even dare?

I hesitate to ask the question, because the answer isn't one I'll like. The answer is another question -- a more complicated question. A question I'll be answering for the rest of my life.

As I sit here letting more and more of the story unfold, I can't understand.
The question just hangs there, threatening tangibility, threatening to force itself from my lips.It chokes me as I choke back the sobs. A whimpering starts deep within and I wipe angrily at the tears sparking in my eyes. These aren't my tears to cry.

Images, jumbled and mostly imagined, flash before me. A part of me is fighting, trying to tell myself it can be stopped, that it won't happen to me, won't happen to--no I can't think it. I won't. But it wells up inside of me and overwhelms.That question. " How can I bring a child into this kind of world?"


  1. I don't know if this will help you at all or not, but I had an experience in my mission that amazed me. We went to the house of an investigator. Lucy had 2 daughters, one 9 and one 8 years old. When we showed up at the house, the husband was outside with his buddies drinking. This kind of environment has always terrified me, but there were the girls, running around a bunch of drunk men like it was no big deal. Having grown up in this environment, these little girls had more courage than I did as a grown woman. The children we bring into this world are surrounded on every side by evil and temptation, but they are so strong as a result, and they will have the power to move mountains, especially being raised with the strength you and your husband provide by teaching gospel principles. I think a more appropriate question would be, "How can I deny the world the strength of my children?" You were taught to make a difference in the world, your children will learn the same.

  2. Today at BYU-Hawaii's commencement ceremony Elder Bednar counseled graduates to never take counsel from our fears. I think this advice is applicable here and hopefully it reassures you. Love ya


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